Cultivating a Home

You may not think of yourself as a leader, but someone is learning from the way you live.
In this episode, Rhonda and Melissa talk about leadership lessons Rhonda learned while building a home business and raising her family, and why those lessons matter far beyond the workplace.
Rhonda shares how she learned to protect her priorities, decide what only she could do, and delegate the rest without micromanaging. She also shares a conflict that taught her to pause before defending herself, look for what she could own, and consider what might be underneath someone else’s hurtful words.
They also talk about comparison, giving other people credit, creating a home where children can contribute without everything having to be done perfectly, and staying teachable when someone offers criticism.
Because some of the most important leadership doesn’t happen on a stage. It happens in ordinary moments when the people closest to us watch how we live.
 
Listen In to Learn More
2:57 — Decide Your Priorities Before Your Schedule
5:48 — Give Your Family the First Part of You
6:46 — Get It Out of Your Head and Onto a List
8:38 — Delegate What Only You Don’t Need to Do
9:31 — Delegate Without Micromanaging
13:46 — What Leadership Taught Rhonda About Conflict
16:41 — Don't Respond While You're Angry
17:07 — Look for the Hurt Underneath the Words
17:36 — What Do I Own in This?
20:36 — Stop the Side Conversations
22:27 — Perfectionism Can Keep Other People From Growing
25:16 — Let Someone Else Shine
27:17 — Teach Your Kids to Cheer for Other People
29:39 — Have You Taught Everyone There's One Right Way?
31:50 — Stay Teachable
33:48 — The Most Important Leadership May Never Be on a Stage
 
Key Scriptures
Matthew 6:33 — Rhonda shares how “seek first the kingdom of God” became the foundation for determining her priorities for both her family and her business.
Romans 12:18 — Rhonda references the principle of living at peace with others when describing how she handled conflict and sought restoration instead of retaliation.
Key Quotes
“What do I own, and then let the rest go?”
“Let other people be involved and bring them in.”
“There is a real freedom to not have to be the best.”
“The most important leadership may never happen on a stage. It happens in the ordinary moments when the people closest to us are learning how to live by watching us.”
Key Takeaways
Decide what only you can do, and let other people help with the rest. 8:38–11:23
Rhonda learned that good leadership wasn't doing everything herself. It was knowing which responsibilities required her personally and which could be handed to someone else. The harder part was letting people complete those tasks without micromanaging them. She connects that directly to parenting: children need opportunities to contribute, learn, and even do things imperfectly.
In conflict, ask “What do I own?” before defending yourself. 16:41–21:47
When Rhonda received a hurtful email, her first instinct was to defend herself point by point. Instead, she waited, prayed, looked for what might be underneath the criticism, and asked what part of it she needed to own. She also chose not to pull other people into the conflict through side conversations.
Create a culture where other people are allowed to shine. 25:16–31:06
Instead of comparison or needing credit, Rhonda encourages intentionally noticing other people's strengths and saying them out loud. She practiced this with her children by teaching them to congratulate others even when they didn't get the position or opportunity they wanted. At home, that also means letting people help without communicating that there is only one “right” way to do everything.
RESOURCES + LINKS
New episodes of Cultivating a Home are released every Thursday.
Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis
Visit us at:http://cultivatingahome.com
Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask and it might be answered in a future episode.
And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.

How do you know when you're encouraging your husband and when you've crossed the line into trying to control him? When should you push a gifted child to keep going, and when is quitting actually the right decision? And what do you do when you're tired of simply surviving your life?
It's time for another round of listener questions.
In this episode, Rhonda and Melissa tackle YOUR questions about marriage, parenting, friendship, extended family, and finding joy when life feels heavy.
Rhonda shares why getting outside, practicing gratitude, and serving someone else can help interrupt the cycle of constantly focusing on what's wrong. She talks about navigating difficult extended-family relationships with both grace and healthy boundaries, and why boundaries should help us become healthier, not punish someone else. 
They also dig into one of the harder parts of parenting: recognizing a child's gifts without turning those gifts into your dream for them. Rhonda shares times they pushed their children to persevere and a time when listening more closely revealed that quitting was actually the right choice. 
Then the conversation turns to friendship and marriage, including what makes a friendship safe enough to go deep and how criticism, pressure, and even the silent treatment can quietly become attempts to control your spouse.
It's a wide-ranging Q&A filled with practical questions you may have wondered yourself.
LISTEN IN TO LEARN MORE
2:04 — Surviving vs. Actually Living
3:20 — Get Outside, Get Grateful
4:08 — Serve Someone, Break the Spiral
5:36 — Bridging the Gap with Extended Family
9:28 — Boundaries Aren't Punishment
11:39 — Gift-Spotting Without Stage-Parenting
12:31 — Character Before Talent
15:20 — The Times We Got It Wrong
16:46 — When Quitting Was the Right Call
18:10 — Whose Dream Is It, Really?
18:51 — Iron Sharpens Iron
20:12 — Safe Enough to Go Deep
21:26 — Encouraging Without Controlling
22:33 — Pause, Then Circle Back
24:12 — Silent Treatment Is Control
25:17 — Teaching Him Not to Speak
26:21 — Pray Instead of Push
27:21 — Swap the Criticism for a Thank You
KEY SCRIPTURES
Matthew 7:3–5Rhonda references Jesus' teaching about recognizing the log in our own eye when dealing with difficult relationships and being willing to consider our own blind spots.
Proverbs 27:17“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Rhonda connects this to the kind of friendship where someone can listen deeply while also offering godly wisdom and helping you see a situation differently. 
Proverbs 21:9Rhonda references the proverb about living on the corner of a roof rather than with a quarrelsome wife during the conversation about criticism and nagging.
KEY QUOTES
“Boundaries aren't meant to punish someone else.”
“Sometimes we want our kids to be a certain thing more than they want it.”
“Tell me more about why you're feeling this way.”
“I want a friend to help me see my situation through God's eyes and through the eyes of the other person.”
“What is the end result you're wanting with that control?”
“Your home will be a better place when you recognize it and work on changing that.”
I especially like “Sometimes we want our kids to be a certain thing more than they want it.” That's a very strong social graphic because it makes a parent stop and think. 
 
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS
Pay attention to whose dream you're pursuing for your child.Recognizing a child's natural gifts doesn't mean every gift needs to become an achievement. Look at character first, then consider the child's interests, capacity, enjoyment, and reasons for wanting to continue or stop. Sometimes perseverance is the lesson. Other times, listening reveals something you couldn't see from the outside.
Healthy boundaries aren't about punishing difficult people.When extended-family dynamics are challenging, grace and boundaries can coexist. Taking appropriate space, addressing harmful patterns privately, and teaching children to respond respectfully can protect the atmosphere of your home without using boundaries to control someone else. 
Before trying to change your husband, examine what you're trying to control.Pressure, criticism, repeatedly pushing after he's said no, withdrawing, or using the silent treatment can all become ways of trying to force an outcome. Instead, pause, communicate what you're actually feeling, pray about what you cannot change, and look for what you can genuinely appreciate. Sometimes replacing “Why did you do that?” with “Thank you for doing that” changes the entire tone of the conversation. 
 
RESOURCES + LINKS
New episodes of Cultivating a Home are released every Thursday.
Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis
Visit us at:http://cultivatingahome.com
Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask and it might be answered in a future episode.
And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here

One summer afternoon, Kelsey was thrown from a tube while boating and kicked in the back of the head. She got back in the boat and kept going.
No one knew that moment would begin a 2 year journey that would affect her memory, emotions, personality, schoolwork, relationships, and her entire family.
For the first time in nearly 15 years, Rhonda and her daughter Kelsey are sharing that story together.
Kelsey talks about what it was like to look completely fine on the outside while struggling with a traumatic brain injury no one could see. Rhonda shares what it was like to parent a child whose behavior suddenly changed, protect her other children, search for answers, and eventually recognize that prayer and faith did not mean they shouldn't also seek medical help. 
But this conversation is ultimately about more than a brain injury.
It's about what happens when suffering enters your home and you can't fix it. Kelsey and Rhonda share what they learned about God's sovereignty, asking others for help, loving someone through their hardest season, and trusting God even when healing and answers don't come on your timetable.
Because cultivating a home doesn't mean creating a family untouched by suffering. It means teaching your family where to turn when suffering comes. 
 
Listen in to learn more 0:00:04 Podcast Focus & Kelsey’s Story Setup0:01:20 The Tubing Accident & Undiagnosed Brain Injury
0:03:10 Mission Trip, Flights, and Escalating Symptoms
0:05:40 School Struggles and “Everyone Else Seems Crazy”
0:08:05 Mom’s First Red Flags and Cognitive Changes
0:11:10 Emotional Swings, Blank Stares, and Personality Shifts
0:14:25 Turning from “Just Spiritual Warfare” to Medical Help
0:17:30 Protecting Kelsey’s Heart and Tightening the Family Circle
0:21:10 Teaching Siblings Sovereignty, Empathy, and Unconditional Love
0:25:05 Surviving the Trial, Then Wrestling with God Afterward
0:30:40 Expanded Compassion Through Brain Injury and Family Cancer
0:35:15 Don’t Waste a Crisis: Trials as Training in Trust
0:40:00 Life Now: Ministry, Motherhood, and Raising Little Prayer Warriors
0:45:10 When, Not If: Biblical Framing of Suffering and Trust
0:49:30 Parenting Through Suffering and Cultivating a Home of Trust
KEY SCRIPTURES
Psalm 73:26“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
James 1:2–3“Consider it pure joy... whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
Psalm 91Kelsey shares how this Psalm became meaningful during her recovery and reminded her that God remained her refuge through suffering.
Psalm 42:1“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.”
KEY QUOTES
“I can still be angry. I can still be afraid. I can be confused. I can be upset, but I can still trust God through it.”
“Sometimes healing doesn't come.”
“God will expand your sphere of influence when you walk through hard things.”
“If you'll just let us in and say, ‘Please pray now,’ we'll immediately pray for you.”
“Don't waste a crisis.”
“Cultivating a home doesn't mean creating a home untouched by suffering. It means cultivating a home where people are loved through suffering.”
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS
Faith and getting help are not opposites.Rhonda shares candidly that she initially approached what was happening primarily as spiritual warfare. Prayer remained important, but eventually someone they trusted helped her recognize that Kelsey also needed medical help. Parents don't have to choose between trusting God and pursuing appropriate help for their child. 
Let safe people into your suffering.Rhonda initially wanted to protect Kelsey by keeping what was happening private. Over time, she realized she needed a small circle of trustworthy people who could listen, pray, and love Kelsey without defining her by what she was going through. Sometimes the only words she needed to send were, “Please pray now.” 
Don't waste what suffering can teach you.Kelsey doesn't look back and call the brain injury good. Instead, she sees how God used an incredibly difficult season to deepen her trust in Him and increase her compassion for people whose struggles aren't visible. The goal isn't pretending suffering doesn't hurt. It's learning to know God more deeply in the middle of it.
RESOURCES + LINKS
New episodes of Cultivating a Home are released every Thursday.
Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis
Visit us at:http://cultivatingahome.com
Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask and it might be answered in a future episode.
And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.
 

Your kids are fighting again. Do you step in, solve the problem, make everyone apologize, and move on?
Maybe not.
In this episode, Rhonda and Melissa talk about why sibling conflict isn't always an emergency and how constantly refereeing your children's disagreements can keep them from learning the very skills they need. Instead of trying to create a conflict-free home, Rhonda encourages parents to teach children how to communicate, negotiate, forgive, set boundaries, show grace, and restore relationships.
They also tackle the child who always gives in, the strong personality who tends to take over, forced apologies that create fake peace, and the subtle ways parents can actually fuel sibling drama through comparison, labels, and the way they talk about their children.
And this isn't just about getting through childhood with fewer arguments. Rhonda shares how intentional sibling relationships can grow into lifelong friendships, even when adult children make very different choices.
The goal isn't raising siblings who never disagree. It's raising people who know what to do when they do.
 
LISTEN IN TO LEARN MORE
[00:02:58] Not Every Sibling Fight Is an Emergency
[00:06:22] Stop Refereeing, Start Training: Handling Sibling Conflict
[00:11:33] From Doormat to Confident: Helping Quiet Kids Speak Up
[00:16:39] Beyond Fake Peace: Teaching Kids Real Restoration
[00:20:46] The Goal Is Not a Conflict-Free Home
[00:24:30] Raising Lifelong Friends, Not Just Siblings
[00:28:05] How Parents Accidentally Create Sibling Drama
[00:32:24] Different Not Less: Ending Comparison in Your Home
 
KEY SCRIPTURE
Romans 12:18 “As much as possible, be at peace with all men.”
Matthew 7:3-5 Rhonda references Jesus' teaching about looking at the log in our own eye before focusing on the speck in someone else's. She connects this to teaching siblings to examine themselves rather than believing they are always right and their sibling is the problem.
KEY QUOTES
“Our goal isn't a home with no conflict. It's a home where people know what to do with conflict.”
“If a mom solves every disagreement, children may never learn how to solve disagreements themselves.”
“We don't have to manufacture tenderness, but we can teach the steps that make tenderness possible.”
“The relationship should be stronger than any of those other things.”
“They're different, but we don't want to communicate; they're less.”
“When you think something nice, say it.”
 
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS
Stop trying to referee every disagreement.
Before jumping into the next sibling argument, ask whether your children are unsafe or whether this is something they can begin learning to work through themselves. Rhonda describes it as a progression: sometimes parents intervene, sometimes they coach, and sometimes they allow children to work through the conflict. The goal is to gradually teach them to share, negotiate, communicate, exercise self-control, and solve problems without always needing Mom or Dad to do it for them.
Teach restoration instead of forcing an apology.
“Tell your sister you're sorry” may end an argument, but it doesn't necessarily teach a child how to repair a relationship. Help your child identify what they did wrong, how their actions affected the other person, and what they can do to make it right. You can't force genuine remorse, but you can teach the steps that help children take responsibility and make restoration possible.
Pay attention to how you talk about your children.
Parents can unintentionally create sibling drama through comparison, criticism, labels, or talking negatively about one child to another. Instead, create a home where differences are noticed without becoming rankings. Teach your children to recognize one another's strengths, celebrate them openly, and understand that one sibling's giftedness in one area doesn't make another sibling less valuable.
RESOURCES + LINKS
New episodes of Cultivating a Home are released every Thursday.
Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis
Visit us at:http://cultivatingahome.com
Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask and it might be answered in a future episode.
And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.
 

Lisa Appelo went to bed one night beside her high school sweetheart and woke up to a life she never could have imagined.
Her husband, Dan, died suddenly, leaving Lisa to grieve the man she'd loved since high school while raising their seven children and figuring out what came next.
In this conversation, Lisa joins Rhonda and Melissa to talk about what grief actually looked like inside their home. She shares why she tried to avoid major decisions during the first year, how she learned to parent children who were grieving in very different ways, and why some of her most important moments with God happened alone in her minivan.
Lisa also shares what friends did that truly helped, why we shouldn't let our inability to fix everything keep us from doing one thing, and the three words every grieving person needs to hear: You're not alone.
They also talk about the hidden practical burdens widows carry, why grief isn't a checklist to complete, and how Lisa eventually discovered that losing the life she expected did not mean God had given her a second-best life.
If you are walking through loss or love someone who is, this conversation is a reminder that you don't have to have all the answers. You need the next day's grace, people willing to show up, and a God who promises to walk with you through it.
LISTEN IN TO LEARN MORE
[0:00:04] Podcast Vision and Hosts Introduction
[0:00:26] Welcoming Guest and New Book Release
[0:01:14] The Night Everything Changed
[0:03:51] Learning to Grieve Alongside Her Children
[0:05:40] Why Avoiding Big Changes in Year One Matters
[0:07:01] Homeschooling and Finances After Sudden Loss
[0:08:06] Meeting God Daily in the Minivan
[0:11:22] Experiencing God as Wisdom, Strength, and Provision
[0:11:56] How Friends Showed Up in Practical Ways
[0:14:00] A Simple Ministry Formula for Showing Up
[0:17:04] Parenting Grieving Kids with Personality in Mind
[0:22:17] From Attorney to Grief Writer
[0:23:53] Why a Grief Devotional Came Next
[0:25:15] The Three Most Important Words in Grief
[0:28:46] Grief Is Not a Checklist
[0:30:52] Hidden Burdens Widows Carry
[0:33:34] Life After Loss: Joy, Grandkids, and New Chapters
[0:35:32] Current Ministry and Future Books
KEY SCRIPTURE
Matthew 28:20"I am with you always, to the end of the age."
Isaiah 41:10"Do not fear, for I am with you."
Isaiah 43:2"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you."
KEY QUOTES
"We can't let not being able to do everything keep us from doing the one thing."
"I needed God more than I needed my daily bread."
"The three most important words to tell somebody in grief are, 'You're not alone.'"
"Grief is a messy mix of emotions and hard questions that all surface, sometimes conflicting, all at once."
"God doesn't give us second best."
 
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS
Walk with someone through grief instead of trying to fix it.
When someone you love is hurting, you don't need the perfect words or a solution to their pain. Lisa learned this while grieving alongside her own children. She couldn't fix their broken hearts, but she could keep the conversation open, maintain some familiar rhythms, give them grace to grieve differently, and walk beside them through it. Sometimes presence is the most important thing you can offer.
Don't let the size of someone's need keep you from doing one thing.
A devastating loss can leave friends wondering what they could possibly do that would make a difference. Lisa's experience taught her that the small things mattered. Bring the casserole. Send the text. Make the phone call. Iron the children's clothes before the funeral. Help with paperwork. Ask God to show you where you can meet a need, then pay attention and act when He does.
Remember these three words: You're not alone.
You may not understand someone's grief, and you cannot take it away, but you can remind them that they don't have to carry it by themselves. Check in again after everyone else has gone home. Call next week. Ask what's happening today. Listen without trying to move them through their grief faster. And remind them of the deeper promise woven throughout Scripture: God is with them too.
RESOURCES + LINKS
Lisa Appelo
God of Comfortgodofcomfortbook.com 
Life Can Be Good Again by Lisa Appelo
Learn more about Lisa's writing, speaking, and ministry: Lisa Appelo.com
Follow Lisa on Instagram: @lisaappelo
Facebook group -- Never Alone Widows
New episodes of Cultivating a Home are released every Thursday.
Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis
Visit us at:http://cultivatingahome.com
Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask and it might be answered in a future episode.
And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.
 

What if the words shaping your home aren't the big conversations, but the small comments, reactions, corrections, and expressions happening all day long?
In this episode, Rhonda and Melissa talk about how the words we use reveal what is happening in our hearts and ultimately help set the tone of our homes. Rhonda shares how she began noticing criticism and negativity before they left her mouth, and why changing our words often requires looking more deeply at pride, fear, hurt, unmet expectations, and our desire for control.
You'll also hear the story of a little pot of purple daisies, a giant pink gorilla costume, and the moment Rhonda realized how differently a child can experience something that feels insignificant to a parent. 
They discuss handling disappointment without passive aggression, teaching children to honor others, stopping sibling mockery, apologizing when your words hurt, and creating a family culture where restoration and do-overs are normal.
Because a peaceful home isn't created by never saying the wrong thing. It's built by learning to recognize what's happening in your heart, choosing words that give life, and making things right when you get it wrong.
LISTEN IN TO LEARN MORE:
[0:00:26] Power of Words in Shaping Home Atmosphere
[0:01:34] Heart, Not Mouth: Root Cause of Hurtful Words
[0:04:38] Curiosity Over Guilt in Emotional Reactions
[0:05:38] Parenting Through Tantrums Without Pride
[0:08:19] Handling Disappointment on Special Days
[0:10:31] Teaching Honor and Expressing Needs Clearly
[0:12:13] Life and Death in Everyday Home Conversations
[0:14:00] When Words Wound: The Purple Daisies Moment
[0:16:49] Choosing Joy with the Pink Gorilla Costume
[0:18:49] Seeing Through Your Child's Eyes
[0:21:12] Asking God to Guard Your Mouth
[0:21:53] The Helpful-Necessary-Edifying Filter
[0:23:51] Zero Tolerance for Mockery at Home
[0:27:02] Culture of Do-Overs and Respectful Redos
[0:28:20] Reckless Words vs. Healing Tongue
[0:30:43] Setting a Safe, Restorative Home Tone
KEY SCRIPTURE
Luke 6:45"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks."
Proverbs 4:23"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."
Proverbs 18:21"Death and life are in the power of the tongue."
Psalm 141:3"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, and keep watch over the door of my lips."
Proverbs 12:18"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
KEY QUOTES
"Every home has a tone, and you're the one setting it one word at a time, one reaction at a time, one expression at a time."
"Same kind of moment, same mom, two different responses, two different outcomes."
"Every child in our home needs to feel safe, protected, encouraged, valued, and the words start with us."
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS
Get curious about your reactions instead of stopping at guilt.
The next time words come out more harshly than you intended, ask yourself what was underneath them. Were you embarrassed? Hurt? Afraid? Feeling overlooked? Trying to control the situation? Identifying what's happening in your heart gives you a meaningful place to begin, rather than simply promising yourself you'll "do better next time."
Pause and filter your words before you say them.Rhonda shares three questions she learned years ago: Is what I'm about to say helpful? Is it necessary? Is it edifying or encouraging? Try using that filter in one situation this week where you know you're prone to criticism, frustration, or a quick reaction.
Make restoration part of your family's normal rhythm. You are going to get it wrong sometimes, and so will your children. When that happens, own the hurt without excuses, apologize, and try the conversation again. Let your children see that saying the wrong thing doesn't have to be the end of the story. A home where people can apologize, forgive, and start over becomes a home where people feel safe.
RESOURCES + LINKS
New episodes are released every Thursday.
Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis
Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com
Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask, and it might be answered in a future episode.
And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.
 

20 episodes in, and Rhonda and Melissa are sitting down to answer the questions you actually sent in.
From whether Rhonda's six kids always got along (spoiler: Legos were involved) to how to handle sports without losing your family in the process, how to give teenagers more freedom without losing your mind, what to do when you feel distant from God, how to prepare for an empty nest before it sneaks up on you, and what God is teaching Rhonda right now. This episode covers a lot of ground.
There is also a rapid fire round at the end where they discuss favorite movie, coffee order, and the verse Rhonda and her daughter clung to through their cancer journey..
 
Listen In to Learn More
[0:01:40] Sibling Conflict, Growth and Grace
[0:04:46] Sports, Schedules and Family First
[0:08:59] Advice to My 25-Year-Old Self
[0:16:59] Seen, Validated and Getting Out of Overwhelm
[0:18:41] When You Feel Distant from Christ
[0:22:27] Teens, Freedom and Boundaries
[0:24:20] Sleepovers, Phones and Standing Firm
[0:29:43] Preparing Your Heart for Empty Nest
[0:33:50] Letting Go and Trusting God in Adult Kids' Lives
[0:34:48] Rapid Fire: Life, Favorites and Daily Rhythms
[0:37:17] Exodus 14:14 and Clinging to God in Suffering
Key Scripture
Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still."
Key Quotes
"When your children are my children’s ages, you know what really matters? The relationships they’ve built with each other."
"A lot of times it comes down to this: we fear our kids' reactions more than making a firm stand on what we know to be the best decision. It takes strength to be a leader.” 
"Don't retire from life. Don't say I did my part and I'm done."
"When we can’t do a thing, He tells us to just be still. He says I've got you. I will fight for you."
Episode Takeaways
Evaluate your family's schedule this season, not in theory but right now. Look at what everyone is doing and ask honestly: is the tone of our home reflecting what we want? If the answer is no, something can come off the calendar. One activity fewer is not a failure. It might be the thing that saves the relationships.
If you feel distant from God, just tell Him that. You do not need the right words or a cleaned-up version of yourself to come to Him. Start with: Lord, I have nothing. I feel far from you. Would you meet me here? That is a complete prayer.
Think about your empty nest before it arrives. What do you actually want that season to look like? What kind of relationship do you want with each of your kids individually? What would you like to do that you have not had time for? Write down even one answer to one of those questions this week.
Resources + Links
New episodes are released every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.
 
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis 
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis 
Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com  
Screen Strong Solution by Melanie HempeA Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Have a question for Rhonda? Send it to cultivatingahome@gmail.com and it might be answered in a future episode. 
And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.
 

When your kids are little, they bring you broken toys. When they get older, they bring you broken hearts. And how you handle the toys determines whether they ever bring you the hearts.
In today’s episode, Rhonda and Melissa go deep on emotional safety: what it looks like, what destroys it, and what it takes to become the parent your child comes to first instead of last.
Rhonda walks through the behaviors that make a home emotionally unsafe without anyone meaning to create them: unpredictability, explosive reactions, dismissiveness, repeating what a child confides, correcting publicly, and comparing siblings. She shares two of the most powerful examples in the series so far: what a safe response looks like when your six-year-old comes home from a hard recess, and what it looks like when your teenager calls and says they have been drinking.
She shares a story about a recent moment with one of her adult children, all of whom are in their 20s and 30s, where she realized her own silence had built a wall. She drove to that child's house and apologized. What she saw in her child's face when she did is worth the whole episode.
If a specific child came to mind while reading this, that is probably the child worth thinking about today.
 
Listen In to Learn More[0:00] What Makes a Home Emotionally Unsafe[3:25] Walking on Eggshells and Parental Influence[4:14] Stop the World and People Over Schedules[6:59] Discernment: Heart-Share vs. Drama[8:50] Stopping the World: The Field Trip Car Story[11:18] Listening Without Fixing[12:04] Presence Over Advice: Daniel's Cancer Story[16:07] Why Fixing Too Fast Shuts Kids Down[17:13] Protecting Your Face and First Reactions[20:36] Body Language and Emotional Safety[20:53] Six-Year-Old Recess Story: Safe vs. Unsafe Responses[23:09] Long-Term Impact of Early Reactions[24:49] Teen Drinking Call: Safe vs. Unsafe Responses[26:16] Big Confessions and Unconditional Love[27:48] Broken Toys, Broken Hearts, and Cars[29:00] When You Get It Wrong as a Parent[32:18] Parenting Adult Children and Ongoing Humility[33:04] Apologizing Quickly and Building Trust[35:01] Practical Ways to Build Emotional Safety[36:19] Protecting Confidence, Correcting Privately[37:32] Reflection Questions for Moms[39:12] Silence, Eggshells, and Winning the Heart[40:14] Applying Emotional Safety Beyond Parenting
Key ScriptureJames 1:19 "Know this, my beloved: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger."
Key Quotes"Children don't need perfect parents. They need predictable ones.""Sometimes your child needs your presence more than your advice.""We can win the argument and lose access to our child's heart.""Recognize your child's silence isn't always peace. Sometimes it's eggshells.""Trust grows through repair. Children trust parents who repent.""When they're little they bring us broken toys. When they're older they bring us broken hearts."Episode TakeawaysThink through each of your children and ask one question. Does this child come to me first when something hard happens? If the answer is no, or even maybe, ask God to show you one specific thing in your own pattern that is the reason. Then do the opposite of that one thing this week.
Protect your face the next time something hard happens. Before you react, take one breath. Loosen your shoulders. Decide that your first expression is going to be one that keeps the door open. It does not mean you do not address what happened. It means you address it without closing the relationship in the process.
If a specific child came to mind while listening to this episode, call them or go to them. Own your part, only your part, and apologize without expecting anything in return. Then ask to hear what you have been shutting out. Watch what happens to the room.Resources + LinksLet’s Keep The Conversation Going! New episodes are released every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.
Have a question for Rhonda? Email cultivatingahome@gmail.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com  
Did this episode make you laugh and think at the same time? Share it with a mom who needs both right now, and leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.

When you walk into the room, does the energy shift? Do your kids quietly change their body language, their tone, their faces?
 
That is the eggshell test, and today’s episode, Rhonda invites every mom listening to take it honestly, not as condemnation, but as an invitation to look at the atmosphere they are creating and make some changes.
 
Rhonda and Melissa cover what it really means to love your kids well, including the ways parents provoke their children without realizing it, the heart-check questions worth sitting with, and why laughter is not a luxury in a home but a sign of safety. Rhonda shares what it looked like to walk through two years of her daughter's traumatic brain injury and realize, a year and a half in, that belly laughter had quietly disappeared from the house.
 
She also talks about how to model not taking yourself too seriously, why laughter at someone's expense has no place in the home, and the simple habit of telling funny stories on yourself at the dinner table to build a culture where kids feel free to mess up, get back up, and laugh about it.
 
A joyful heart is good medicine. This episode is the prescription.
 
Key Takeaways 
[0:01:24] Loving Well and the Eggshell Test for Your Home 
[0:06:17] Common Ways Parents Provoke Their Children 
[0:10:15] Heart-Check Questions for Safe, Nurturing Parenting 
[0:12:34] Choosing Spontaneity Over the To-Do List 
[0:16:16] Walking Through Serious Seasons Without Losing Joy 
[0:20:27] Using Simple Family Fun to Shift the Atmosphere 
[0:22:17] Learning to Laugh at Yourself and Model Security 
[0:25:33] Sharing Personal Stories to Build a Culture of Joy 
[0:27:00] No Laughter at Someone's Expense in the Home 
[0:27:48] Examining Your Own Tone and Cultivating Positivity 
Key Scripture
Proverbs 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
Ephesians 6:4 (referenced) "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
 
Key Quotes
"If you don't like kids, why'd you have so many? That one shook me. I had some apologizing to do."
"When you walk into the room, does the demeanor shift? That's worth really thinking about."
"I put laugh on my to-do list. Many, many days, until it became part of a rhythm and part of me."
"There are seasons when laughter is put aside. And then we begin to add things back."
"Laugh with, never at. And make sure the whole family knows the difference."
 
Episode Takeaways
Take the eggshell test this week. Think through each of your kids individually. Does this child feel safe coming to me? Would they say I enjoy being with them? If the answer for even one of them gives you pause, that is where to start. Not with guilt, just with a honest look and a conversation with God about what to do next.
 
Put one spontaneous thing on your schedule this week. It does not have to be big. Jump in a puddle. Sit down in the middle of the game. Put on a song and dance in the kitchen. Let your kids see you choose them over the list, just once, and see what it does to the room.
 
Tell a funny story about yourself at the dinner table. Something embarrassing, something from when you were their age, something that shows them you have been awkward and imperfect and you lived to laugh about it. That single habit, done consistently, builds a home where kids feel free.
 
Resources + Links
Let’s Keep The Conversation Going! 
New episodes are released every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.
Have a question for Rhonda? Submit it on cultivatingahome.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis 
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis 
Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com 
 
Did this episode make you laugh and think at the same time? Share it with a mom who needs both right now, and leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.

A homeschooling mom of seven. Her husband died suddenly. And every day she got in her van, drove a few doors down to a parking lot, and just sat there with God because it was the only place she could.
That is what a quiet time looks like when life is too full and too hard for anything neat or official.
On today's episode, Rhonda and Melissa wrap up their series on Spiritual Growth and get practical about the everyday habits that build a real faith: personal Bible study, prayer, scripture memory, community, and service. Not as a checklist, but as a relationship. Rhonda shares what she said to her kids when they would sit down with Proverbs at breakfast, how she used a pill bottle full of index cards to make scripture memory stick for different learning styles, and why the posture we bring to time with God matters more than the format.
She also closes with one of the most freeing reminders in the series: God is not keeping score. If you missed yesterday, or last week, or longer than that, He still says, "Come." Grace abounds. Do the next right thing and show up.
Topics Covered in This Episode
[0:01:43] Redefining Quiet Time as Knowing God
[0:06:13] Desperate for God: Lisa’s Quiet-Time Survival Story
[0:09:00] Making Space for God in a Busy Mom’s Day
[0:14:17] Training a Teachable Heart with Scripture
[0:14:40] Creative Strategies for Scripture Memory
[0:16:35] Power of Like-Minded, Iron-Sharpening Friendships
[0:18:12] Serving Starts at Home and Flows Outward
[0:20:29] Moving from Checklist Faith to Grace-Filled Relationship
 
Key Scriptures
2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."
Psalm 42:1 "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God."
Psalm 119:11 "I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."
Galatians 5:13 (referenced) "Serve one another humbly in love."
Matthew 11:28 (referenced) "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
Key Quotes
"Even in those times when the quiet time for us is just sitting in silence saying, Lord, I'm here. Will you meet me where I am? He's exchanging your heartache with His compassion."
"God is gentle. He doesn't reveal everything in our lives at once that we need to deal with. He shares things if we're listening and have a teachable heart."
"Grace abounds with Christ. Just pick up, do the next right thing, pick up where you left off."
"Serving starts in our home. When you get up to get ice cream, ask if anybody else wants some."
"We built our life on a rock. When rough times come, you have that foundation."
Episode Takeaways
Pick a time and protect it, even if it is small. Five minutes at breakfast with your Bible open counts. A podcast sermon while on the school run counts. You do not need a perfect hour. You need a decision to show up consistently. Start with what actually fits your life right now, not the version of your life you wish you had.
Try Proverbs by the day of the month. Whatever today's date is, read a few verses from that chapter of Proverbs. Do it at breakfast or dinner with your kids. Give an example that fits the age of whoever is sitting at the table. Let the chapter do the teaching.
If you have missed time with God, just come back. Not after you get yourself together. Not after you figure out a better routine. Right now, wherever you are. He says come. That is the whole invitation.
Resources + Links
 
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
 
Warren Wiersbe
Beth Moore
Let’s Keep The Conversation Going! 
New episodes are released every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.
Have a question for Rhonda? Submit it on cultivatingahome.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis 
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis 
Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com